A part 2 of Charly Boy's first article on See Finish Syndrome. Find it here. Check on it below..
When I published my piece about the death of desire in marriage/relationships (“See Finish Syndrome”) I didn't expect the kind of feedback I got on that matter, hummm see gobe!
It was clear to me that the
marriage institution in Nigeria is in a big problem. Ninety percent of the
overwhelming phone calls and emails were from angry, lonely, disgruntled and
confused wives. It was then it hit me that millions of homes and marriage relationships
are going through a very bad patch, wives are growing very disenchanted with
their husbands and their relationship. Before I did the piece (see finish)
apart from experiencing it personally, I have heard and seen so much sadness in
too many homes that made me swear and ever determined not to allow my marriage
be caught by the "See Finish" bug.
From the mails and the phone
calls I received, it was clear to me that many wives whilst still in their
relationship, DON PORT. They have
emotionally moved on engaging in hot sizzling extra-marital affair. The number
is alarming, their reasons are as enlightening as it is revealing and I must
add, I learnt quite a lot from all the sad stories I heard and read. Thank God
for the opportunity, I will always share with my readers some of my personal
experiences, trusting that in coming clean I will also learn from the mistake
of others. Long story short, it is for me therapeutic.
Many wives these days "DON PORT", alarming unconfirmed
statistic show a large number who have grown disinterested in their marital sex,
while husbands are busy reassuring themselves that their wives are still
"The Good Girl" they married. Hummmmmm.
For many who wrote in and I spoke to, swore that they never thought they were
the "Type" that would ever cheat, but now they are far too deep into
it and never want to stop. I begin to see a pattern in all of this confusion,
if we don’t develop an accurate understanding of our wives; very soon,
marriages will become old fashion because so many people are becoming disillusioned
with the whole institution. In all of this, so many men are stuck with their
societal beliefs about females that are grossly distorted and completely
erroneous. Wahala dey my people.
The following is a letter from
one of my numerous readers, since she doesn't mind me sharing it with you, I
don't mind either…
Hello AreaFada,
I am writing this because there
is a serious issue I'm struggling with, I desperately need to share it with
someone. I felt I could open up to you and not be judged having followed you
for long. I don’t mind if you use this mail on your several platforms, i
believe i speak for many too.
I got married in the 90's to
perhaps the most wonderful man on earth and together, we have one of the best
families anyone would wish to have. My husband and I are doing very well on our
jobs and our kids are excellent both at home and at school.
We have no reason to suspect each
other or anyone, there is nothing like lack of trust in this relationship. We
live in each other's body and so, privy to what the other is doing per time and
we are very supportive of each other, at the same time, being each other's
worst critic because we always are on the look-out for areas to improve. We're
absolutely loyal and faithful to each other, nothing less than a 100%.
This is a summary of the home I
had until 3years ago.
I met a man in the course of my
job who came along with a new information and completely opened my eyes to a
new feeling.
Ours wasn't a chance meeting, we
worked together on a project so we exchanged phone numbers and since then he
has always called. That was the beginning o, he would not let me rest, calling
and texting nice stuff almost by the minute. Before long, I started looking
forward to this. We started bonding like you can never imagine. In a very short
space of time, we became an item. This means spending more time with
him........at the expense of my family time.
I didn't start sleeping with him
o, we kept things off SEX Lane and surprisingly, he didn't make a fuss. Of
course, each time we saw, he wanted to get it on but as soon as I told him
'No', he just let me be without getting angry. At least not obviously.
This singular act, I think, is
the clincher that made me very fond of him because back home, the only thing
that caused quarrels between my gentleman husband and I was the fact that he
made too much fuss each time I refused him sex, when I'm tired or not just in
the mood. He gets angry to a convulsive state and I used to wonder if it was
running away.
For more than a year of seeing
each other, my now boyfriend (OMG, am I writing this?), asked for sex and I
felt obliged. He had been very understanding, so why don't I do him this
honors. So I agreed. He was so gentle and alluring, handled me the way no man
had ever done me before. I felt like a woman, perhaps for the very first time,
allowing me experience orgasm before him, Wow, is this heaven or what? After
which he gave me my 1st bath as an adult. I had never seen that before. It's a
season of firsts for me and I was loving every second of it,
Please pardon me, I crave your
indulgence, I needed to open this up to someone and I'm glad I found your
platform. Thank you. Just hear me out, that's all I ask.
I no longer have time for anybody
and anything else. I get infuriated by the smallest things, making mountains
out of moll hills. Any small thing, I resign to my basement and ask that no one
disturbs me. My basement, which hitherto was a dungeon of not-frequently-used
items in the house, is now my get-away, to be alone with my lover, who
incidentally is also married. My loyalty to my family is brutally divided or is
it totally eroded? My husband has been and remains a good man, i doubt if he
ever has been unfaithful to me in the close to twenty years of our marriage and
I know he doesn't deserve this. At least, one good turn they say....
I know, I have a feeling this is
bad, very bad, but I'm enjoying this new information. Imagine, it's been well
over two years since we started sleeping with each other and I can’t even find
a word for the kind of sex we share. My boyfriend just knows how to keep it
ever new and fresh, every single time.
The strange thing is my husband
doesn't even have a clue I've been cheating. Even if the thought crosses his
mind, he would probably think something is wrong with him 'upstairs' for
thinking such thoughts. AreaFada, please don't advise me to stop o, just
counsel me on the best way you think I can keep the groove on without breaking
eggs...how to have the best of my now two worlds.
My happiness is very important,
am sexually alive with my boyfriend.
Thank you for your time, may God
bless you.
